PLEASE.. pain, dont hurt. X|

October 17, 2009

 

its HIS birthday today. yesterday is the birthday of M (my friend and classmate). it all started there. on their birthdays, that are both october. M knows i like him, she knows everything so she invited me to go with them today in the mall, she said HE will be there too. of course, being dimwit as i am, i came. oh yes i was happy that i saw him, but i cant help it that i felt pain too. the kind of pain that i wasnt supposed to feel. its illegal. it doesnt make sense. but yes, i was jealous to M. the moment he arrive, he gave a gift to M, a birthday gift, and M also bought something in the mall for him and they are really very sweet?? dunno the right word, but kinda like that, in the mall. and i  can also see, im not blind and im not that stupid you know, that HE like her, and she likes him too.

im not supposed to feel this, because its not in my control who should fall in love with whom. and especially because GM has a girlfriend already, and he and M are just really close. and that’s what im really jealous about, their closeness. M said i have to make a move to befriend him and get close wtih him, but i always say NO. i really want to but i cant. tis because i was scared that what if, accidentally, while we are close, i fall in love with him? thats the worst that could happen, because he has a girlfriend, whom M says that he love so much, and they’re 2 years now. and i dont understand why it hurts like these. i feel stupid. >__<

 

they say ‘HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE’ and i really want to be happy, but i just can’t. its just that i have tons of problems already, and this emotional crush-like-thingy, which is basically, doesnt make sense, is simply too much for me to handle. i dont want to cry, i promise myself before that no more crying for nonsense things, but here i am again, not learning from mistakes.

 

if i can just talk to PAIN now, i would get down on my knees and beg him to leave me, to leave all my love ones. but i cant. and i understand that. i understand that pain is a sister of LOVE. they are like a package deal, you cant have the other, without the other one. which basically sucks.

 

 

MY LIFE SUCKS. and i wish yours doesnt. :|

 

 

 

 

 

 3 more days to go before sembreak, 3 more days of agony. i can do this, i now i can. 3 more days, and he’ll be gone forever from my life. 

Posted by hartyu at 8:08 pm | permalink

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